7 years have flown by...

Happy 7th birthday to our sweet Cole 🎉 Just yesterday, you were the little baby with the gummy grin as you turned one. Today, as we celebrate you, we are reminded that time is fleeting and before we know it you will be all grown up right before our eyes. You are smart (brilliant, really), funny, loving, and kind (and so much more!). We love you, Cole 

Love you to pieces, our sweet Ava!

Ava,

You bring us unimaginable joy and keep us laughing each day! We love to see your personality develop. You are quickly growing into a "big girl" and let us know often :) You are strong, and smart, sassy, and sweet. This year we have watched you do things we were certain you were too little to do - and you have proved us wrong time and again.

As we celebrate with you, we take joy in watching you smile. You can brighten a room instantly (and scream loud enough to silence a room, too!). May you continue to find joy this year, sweet girl. We love you.

(Gasp) "It's my birthday!"

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."
Proverbs 31:25

<3

JOY: looking back on 2014

What a year of joy it has been, indeed. 

We have watched our kids grow (too quickly), grown together in our marriage, and spent our time investing in our friends. I can think of no other way I'd rather this year have gone. 

As a family, we have began the tradition of Friday Night Meatballs. It has been such a fun time to wind down at the end of the week with the people who mean the most in our lives. We are getting our feet wet at Westover Church and looking to join early next year. This change didn't come easily, as we left our church home at Gift Community, but we feel confident that God was calling us to make this change. 

Jeff has changed jobs - he is now a Sherpa (as in Cloud Sherpas) and is loving his new role as Engagement Manager. It has meant much more travel, but otherwise has brought a breath of fresh air to his work.  There hasn't really been a lot of time for him to do fun stuff, but hopefully that will change in 2015.

Not much new for me. I still love scrapbooking, and have been regularly attending crops at the Scrapbook Studio. I have enjoyed hosting Friday Night Meatballs. It's been an unusually stress-free event in our house, and I'm proud that I have figured out how we can open our home to our friends.

Cole is into building things! Legos, K'Nex, or a toy and random piece of ribbon. LOL. He loves to make things that look like nothing to us, but he'll tell us exactly what they are. He's smart and loves to learn. He is learning the bones of the body and is constantly questioning how, why, or what is this. We love his kind-heart and gentle spirit. 

Ava is a spirited not-quite-two-going-on-twelve. It's been a lot of fun this year learning her personality. She is fun, loud, strong-willed, and super sweet. She loves her baby dolls and anything that brother loves (specifically, the exact thing that's in his hand at any given moment). 

We are reminded often that life is short and we can't count on tomorrow, but we don't always live that way. I hope that in 2015, we can find ways to be content with what we have, and to enjoy life together more than we already do.

Happy New Year :)

Fading Summer

I had so many visions of things I would accomplish this summer, but the summer is fading fast, and my list has not dwindled down as I had hoped. I am thankful for all the things we did, but still feel guilty for not getting it all (ok, well, any of it) done.

Time is flying by so fast. I don't want to miss a thing, but I don't know how to slow down! They are both growing so quickly and each moment is gone in the blink of an eye.

I am trying to get healthier so that I'm around for them. And for me. Running is NOT my thing. But I'm doing the Couch 2 5K program. It's going ok. Maybe the problem is more that mornings are not my thing either. At least not until I'm out of bed, and that takes a lot of willpower.

Today I'm thankful for:

a good friend to run with
a husband who loves me for me, the way I am
kids who are healthy, and smart, and funny
cooler weather ;)

4 years ago...

4 years ago, we were sitting in a hospital room, with our newborn baby boy (eating Feeney's!) enjoying the fresh smell of new baby. Little did we know how rich you would make our lives. You make us smile every day, keep us laughing, and push our buttons. You are smart, funny, kind, loving, gentle (most of the time), and so much more. You loves books, movies, and fruit snacks. Oh, and your sister, too :) You stole our hearts then, and melt our hearts daily. What an amazing little boy you are. We are so blessed to have you as our son, Ava to have you as her big brother, and all that know you to share in your sweet spirit. We love you <3

Happy Birthday, sweet Cole!

Making memories...

This summer, we made an intentional decision to get some projects done around the house. So far, I've finished one project (Cole's bedroom) and am in the middle of another (Jeff's office), but have yet to start on the five big ones for Jeff. They are:

Decorate our bedroom

Decorate dining room

Decorate living room

Mulch flower beds

Curtains for the playroom

I am looking forward to making a dent in this list these next few weeks. In the mean while, here's what we HAVE done:

Hanging Rock

Grasshoppers Games

Lego Movie

Catching fireflies

Running through the sprinkler

Library time each week

Cooking together

Sprayground fun

Children's Museum

Science Center

Nature hunt

Growing a garden

Building a playset/treehouse

Time is moving quickly. We still miss moments. And there's always more on the to do list. But we're making memories.

  

(left: Cole @ Lego Movie; middle: building the playset; right: at the Sprayground)

  

(left: Ava eating her first tomato from the garden; middle: Cole showing his fireflies to Daddy; right: on a nature hunt after library time)

Raw.

One of the best words to describe how I feel right now. I feel raw. tender. exposed. lonely. frustrated. I question my mothering, my ability to be a good wife, and just whether I'm good enough. I'm pretty sure I'm not cutting it. As tears roll down my cheek, I feel the sting of loneliness. This pain that has stuck around for as many years as I can remember. It's like I can't just be "me". I'm not even sure who "me" is sometimes. And tonight, I said stupid things out of frustration. I was hurtful with my words, in my own hurt. And I've perpetuated the cycle of lonely by pushing away my best friend. Who I don't let in often, for fear of feeling stupid or ashamed. I'm not sure how to break this cycle, but it sure is breaking me...

{I'm posting this today...even though now I can't even remember the source of my frustration that night when I wrote this (several weeks ago). Life is hard. Parenting is harder. Marriage is perhaps hardest. We are working each day to love each other more, speak kinder words, and grow closer together. Somedays, we do just that. Other days, hurt fills our heart and our home when we are not able to put the other first and truly love. I hope that the hurtful days are always outnumbered by days where we choose love and find joy.}

Our little garden...

It sounds silly, but it has been so much fun to watch our garden grow. So far, nothing is producing (or even seems close), but plants are getting bigger and the garden is getting greener. We're praying for a good yield over the summer, but just having fun in the process.

(although this one doesn't look like much, it's filled with sunflowers on the back row, potatoes on the left, and carrots on the right)

Alone with my thoughts...

Jeff is out of town (again), and I am sitting here in bed when I should be sleeping, just wondering why.

I just read on Facebook that a friends 4 year old daughter is having absence seizures...why?

Earlier today, I read of a family in Arkansas who lost both young boys in the tornados two days ago. Why? And how do you go on?

I know two local moms who have had very young children sick, one  needing brain surgery, one chemotherapy to fight cancer. Why?

I finished The Giver tonight, and reading the part about the memories of hunger and swollen, distended bellies breaks my heart. Why?

I know I will not know why in this lifetime, but I hope it's always ok to ask. 

Why? And how do I help? Where do I fit in? Food? Hugs? Gifts? Donating? Serving?

I am thankful every day for my family, even more today than yesterday. We are so blessed, and have so much to be thankful for. If these families can go on in the midst of seemingly insurmountable obstacles, surely I can find joy each day. 

Celebrating Ava

It seems as if life is just passing me by somedays...errr, some weeks. We have barely caught up on sleep and unpacking, and Jeff is leaving again in less than a week. Man, we've not gotten a lot of sleep lately, and that is really taking a toll. But even in the middle of tired-as-I-can-be, I choose joy. It's hard, and I'm not always good at it, or consistent, but it's definitely a choice. I want my life to be joy-full.

We celebrated Ava's birthday last weekend, and it was such a fun time to catch up with friends and family. We didn't get many pictures (only of the cake/singing part), but we made good memories :) But, we do have some fantastic pictures from amyharbinphotography.com from Ava's 1 year session. We are thankful our path crossed with Amy's some time ago and that she is such a good photographer for our family.

I want this blog to be a place where I am sharing memories, documenting life, and sometimes dipping into future dreams. I don't know that I'm doing that effectively yet, or that I even want an audience reading my thoughts. But I want to try (and I'm still evaluating the audience). We'll see.

A note to Ava:

Ava, you are strong and independent, more than we could have ever expected. I pray that I can help you find your path to be a great leader. You will do great things in life, and I will be your biggest, loudest fan. You are tender and sweet, loving to snuggle up (sometimes) and willing to share whatever you have (sometimes). You are silly, keeping us laughing often, sometimes with just your smile. 

I don't know what I expected before you arrived. But in so many ways, you've exceeded any expectations we could have had. You have stolen our hearts, even amidst the long nights and loud days, you are loved. Beyond measure. This much (arms outstretched). 

Thank you for being a blessing to us. Thank you for bringing your giggly, tooth-filled grin to our lives. Happy Birthday, sweet girl. We love you.

-Mama (Dada and brother too!)

Thankful

Tonight, I am thankful for good friends, scrapbooking, and laughter. 

We had a great time tonight at the scrapbook party! It was Jamie, Carly, Julie, and myself and it was the perfect blend of people to end the week with. 

That time when Jeff went to India...

We are so thankful for the opportunity for Jeff to go to India, but man, this week, whatever could go awry, has done so.  First, I’ll gripe, then I’ll be thankful (if that’s ok!).

-Cole had the stomach bug the night Jeff was leaving.

-I had food poisoning.

-Ava has had cough, congestion, and 102 fevers.

-We’ve had winter weather twice.

            -Preschool early pick up on Wednesday

            -No preschool on Friday

-The power is out.

-Cole just had a bloody nose.

-We lose an hour of sleep this weekend.

Wow. That’s a whole lotta devil in our house. Jeff travels a lot for work, and not a single time has this accumulation of events happened.

I do realize it could be worse. And, I have so much to be thankful for.

-I am feeling 100% better.

-Our kids are healthy in general. A stomach bug and a bad cold are not a huge deal.

-I’ve had extra time to spend with them during this nasty weather.

-I have fireplaces to keep warm (except the house is a little smoky :/).

-Cole’s nose has stopped bleeding.

-We will see Jeff an hour sooner on Sunday thanks to daylight savings time change.

We are so blessed, and it’s so easy to forget it in the midst of craziness. I’m choosing joy today :)

ETA: I wrote this while the power was out this morning, and it's still out 12 1/2 hours later. I'm thankful for good friends who {have electricity and} opened their home to us. We would be quite chilly tonight otherwise.

JOY: The Quiet Confidence

Is it? I'm learning to choose joy (and failing often!), and came across this phrase today. It has been playing in my head all morning. Am I quietly confident? I'm not quiet. In fact, often, I reflect and feel I was louder in voice or message than necessary. I'm sometimes confident, but not all the time. How do I find this quiet confidence?

The day before Jeff left for India, I was taking a shower (in case I didn't have time to get one for 10 days...lol), and this verse song popped in my head:

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."

So, though I may not know in my own strength how to find this quiet confidence, I am sure (confident, even), that God was stirring in me answers to a question I had not yet asked. 

Add to all of this that I've been eying a devotional called "The Confident Women," and I sense that I need to be in the word more. I am committing to 15 minutes each day for the next 7 days. (I made up this commitment as I was typing, to keep me focused on my goal of spending time in the word daily)

I hope to find a quiet confidence. 

Proof of Life

This weekend as Jeff is preparing for his mission trip to India, a missionary leader from Atlanta came up to prep the team and stayed with us. Of course, Ava decided to cry out several times in the night, and, though we got to her quickly, I'm sure he could hear it. In the morning, when I apologized for the noise, he said "It's just proof of life".

Boy isn't that a true statement about so many things in this season of life.

No sleep. Proof of life.

Messy hair. Proof of life.

Running late. Proof of life.

Yelling at my three year old. Proof of life.

Saying I'm sorry. Proof of life.

I am alive. They are alive. We are in it together. So thankful for this season, for my family, and simply for life. Remembering to choose joy today (as I wait semi-patiently for the plumber to come fix the sink :/).

And so it begins...

I've always loved reading blogs, and even helped write a blog for All About Baby, but I never thought I'd write one for our family...err...me. As I was debating whether I wanted to do it or not (another words, whether I wanted to share my thoughts out loud), I was on the blogspot page and realized that some time ago I had already created a blog for "The Lacey Family". So, it took the thinking-up-a-blog-name out of the equation and here I am.

It's 2014, and my word for the year is 'joy'. Our kitchen window sill has small standing letters that spell it out each time I'm at the sink (leftover from Christmas). And, come to think of it, our doormat is still the one that says JOY, too. I want to choose joy each day, because it is not always going to be there. Not every situation is joy-full, unless you choose it to be. And I'm sure I won't always get it right.  But I'd really like to try.

It's a Saturday, and Jeff has left for Switzerland. I have been mopey all day and I feel super lonely. But I have to remember to choose joy. Jeff is the hardest worker I know. He is traveling to work to support our family. (AND, I will be spending the weekend with him IN SWITZERLAND.  My mom will be watching the kiddos, and I will be joining him for 3 days.) So, today, I am sad that he has left (again...he just got home on Monday night). I am bummed that I feel alone, especially in parenting, but also because my best friend is not here. But, I know I have to choose to find the joy.

So, I'd like to share some things I'm thankful for. Maybe that's how I will end each post? It is a good reminder to me of all the big (and little) things that bring me joy.

being Mommy to Cole & Ava - and spending this time with them while they are little
having Jeff as my husband and father to our children
a warm, comfortable home
family, friends, and a church to be a part of

I am so blessed. And I'm choosing joy.