Purging...

I used to cringe when I read about people ‘purging’ facebook friends. Now I get it. I want my facebook friends to be my real friends. I don’t want to spend hours sucked into reading about someone else’s life – someone who I haven’t seen or talked to in months – or 10 years. By purging my facebook-only friends, I hope I can be more committed to deeper friendships.

My facebook "friend" list is continually evolving (and recently reducing). I'm not always a great friend at keeping in touch (even with technology!), but I want to be a real friend and have real friends in my life and online. So, friends, I'm thankful for you and even thankful for facebook to help keep us connected 

Catching my breath (and losing it some!)

This last week has been about catching my breath.

MOPS has begun and the beautiful centerpieces, nametags, and placemats are finished. Whew! The first meeting went off {mostly} without a hitch. We had our first purple table playdate today and had a wonderful time getting to know our table!

BackPack Beginnings, my Junior League Committee, is underway. Successfully. We made our first delivery last week and gameplans are in place for the next 3 months! Woohoo!

Kids Community training is Saturday. We have filled our volunteer slots (for now!) and are ready to train our teams. I don't think many will show up Saturday, but it will be time to build up our leaders and get to know those who are committed to KC.

The house is still a bit upside down (don't look at my desk or the mail "area" in the dining room). Jeff has rocked laundry and dishes, so that's been caught up. Little by little, the house is getting back to normal!

And Jeff and I have been running. RUNNING. Woah. I never thought I would write that. I'm not running fast, but I'm moving. 3-4 times a week. And boy does it leave me out of breath! But I want to be healthier and I need to keep moving to get there.

This week, we are praying for where God wants us to be.  And thankful for each breath.

I'm not a blogger...

And I'm not good with writing my thoughts out regularly, even though I want to. I deal better when I have the time to write things out, but time is flying by. How to challenge myself to write more? Hmmm...

Raw.

One of the best words to describe how I feel right now. I feel raw. tender. exposed. lonely. frustrated. I question my mothering, my ability to be a good wife, and just whether I'm good enough. I'm pretty sure I'm not cutting it. As tears roll down my cheek, I feel the sting of loneliness. This pain that has stuck around for as many years as I can remember. It's like I can't just be "me". I'm not even sure who "me" is sometimes. And tonight, I said stupid things out of frustration. I was hurtful with my words, in my own hurt. And I've perpetuated the cycle of lonely by pushing away my best friend. Who I don't let in often, for fear of feeling stupid or ashamed. I'm not sure how to break this cycle, but it sure is breaking me...

{I'm posting this today...even though now I can't even remember the source of my frustration that night when I wrote this (several weeks ago). Life is hard. Parenting is harder. Marriage is perhaps hardest. We are working each day to love each other more, speak kinder words, and grow closer together. Somedays, we do just that. Other days, hurt fills our heart and our home when we are not able to put the other first and truly love. I hope that the hurtful days are always outnumbered by days where we choose love and find joy.}